The end of the "fellowship of the ring" and how it really happened, as seen by D&D players. A play by play analysis of the events:

<Player 1 – Boromir> Talking to the DM. “This is bull shit! You’re playing favorites and giving all the good loot to <Player 2 – Frodo>. He’s got the mithral armor, the only “working” magic sword <Player 4 – Strider>’s magic sword doesn’t count because it’s broken. And he has the ring of invisibility. All I have is a stupid horn that doesn’t even summon berserkers.”

<Player 2 – Frodo> Snooty like. “Well I’m roll playing. What are you doing, power gaming.”

<Player 1 – Boromir> In an irritated mood. “Fine, I’ll wait until we camp for the night and then I’ll look for an opportunity to catch you alone. Then I’ll kill you and take all of your stuff.”

<Player 2 – Frodo> “Go ahead and try. Let’s roll for initiative.”

<Player 1 – Boromir> “Ha! I won initiative.”

<Player 1 – Boromir> rolls a d20 and rolls a 16. “That’s a modified 26. A hit!”

<Player 1 – Boromir> rolls his damage dice and tells <Player 2 – Frodo> “Take 12 damage.”

<Player 2 – Frodo> “I have plenty of hit points left. I put on my ring and become invisible. Then I take my free 5 foot step, so now you don’t know where I am. Asshole!”

<Player 3 – Who plays two characters, Merry and Pippen> “My two hobbits go looking for them”

<DM> “But you are not there. You don’t know what is happening”

<Player 3 – Who plays two characters, Merry and Pippen> “Sure, but I my guys must think is strange how long they have been gone.”

<DM> “All right, go ahead and make a search roll”

<Player 3 – Who plays two characters, Merry and Pippen> “And my guys are moving silently. I want to sneak up on them”

<DM> Exasperated. “But you don’t know what is happening”

<Player 3 – Who plays two characters, Merry and Pippen> Rolls a 6 and 8 on his search rolls.

<DM> “Well it doesn’t matter. You don’t find them”

<Player 4 – Strider> “My ranger is going to try and track them.”

<DM> “But you don’t know what is happening”

<Player 4 – Strider> “Yes, but 4 out of 9 characters are missing. I must think something is wrong”.

 <Player 4 – Strider> Rolls a 3 on a d20. “That’s a modified 15. It should be good enough”

<DM> “Ok, but there are 4 people out there, you are not sure who’s trail you are following”

<Player 4 – Strider> Frowns.

<Player 5 – Legolas> “My elf has good listening skills. I’ll go into the woods and try to hear what is happening”

<DM> Giving up all hope of the players behaving like they don’t know what is happening.

<Player 6 – Gimli> “Well my dwarf never trusts an elf. He follows the elf and keeps a close eye on him in case he tries to steal the ring.”

<Player 1 – Boromir> “ I am still trying to find the invisible guy”

<DM> “Well you don’t find him.” The DM rolls for a random encounter then consults his books. “Roll for surprise. “ Both <Player 1 – Boromir> and the DM rolls.

<DM> “No surprise. A band of half-orcs come wandering your way”

<Player 1 – Boromir> “Bring ‘em on. I can mow them down with my great cleave feat.”

<DM> “Only a few run up to fight you. Most of them stay back and shoot arrows at you”

<Player 1 – Boromir> “That’s BS! Half-orcs shouldn’t be that well organized”

<DM> “Yeap, but these ones are.”

<Player 1 – Boromir> “Well I’m screwed. I’ll have to run up to just one half-orc, take only one swing and have nobody to cleave into. Then the half-orc will get his full attack round while the rest of them shoot arrows at me.”

<DM> “Well you are the one who chose to run around woods all by yourself”

 <Player 2 – Frodo, who also happens to be running two characters> Pissed at <Player 1 – Boromir>. “I’m out of here guys. He’s trying to kill off my character and steal my equipment, I’m not having any fun. I’m taking my two hobbits and leaving the group.”

<Player 4 – Strider> Who’s character is a ranger but insists on playing him as a paladin. “Don’t go, I’m coming to help you.”

<Player 2 – Frodo> “Forget it. I sneak back to the camp invisibly and moving silently, hop in a boat and take off.”

<Player 1 – Boromir> ”If you are invisible and sneaking how is Sam going to see you” he says with a sneer on his face.

<Player 2 – Frodo> “He stayed back at camp the whole time. He’ll notice the boat moving by itself and figure it out”

<DM> “Hmmm, better make a spot check roll for Sam”

<Player 2 – Frodo> “A modified 22”

<DM> “He sees the boat leaving and chases after it. The river gets deep quick. It’s over his head.”

<Player 2 – Frodo> “He’ll swim”

<DM> “Make a swim roll”

<Player 2 – Frodo> “I never put any points into swimming”

<DM> “Then it’s just your roll plus your strength modifier”

<Player 2 – Frodo> Rolls a 13. “That’s a modified 11”

<DM> “He’s sinking and drowning”

<Player 1 – Boromir> Munching on Doritos complains. “Hurry up. Your hogging all the DM’s time”

<Player 2 – Frodo> ”Hey, it’s your fault. Go get some more pop from the fridge. It has to be cold by now.”

<Player 2 – Frodo> “Frodo goes back and gets Sam”

<DM> “Can he swim?”

<Player 2 – Frodo> “No, he stays in the boat and sticks an oar in the water so Sam can grab it pull himself out”

<DM> “Ok, that will work”

Back to Boromir after a few rounds of combat.

<Player 1 – Boromir> “Crap, after that last round I am going to die with a bunch of half-orc arrows stuck in my butt. I’m at minus 1 hit point.”

<DM> “You can still do partial actions”

 <Player 1 – Boromir> “I blow my horn so everyone can find me.”

<DM> “Everyone hears the horn. What do you do?

<Player 4 – Strider> “I start running to him”

<Player 3 – Who plays two characters, Merry and Pippen> “My guys start running to him also”

<Player 5 – Legolas> “I start running”

<Player 6 – Gimli> “Wait a minute. I can’t run as fast as you. You need to stay with me <Player 5 – Legolas> or we will both die like <Player 1 – Boromir>.

<Player 5 – Legolas> “But I can run a lot faster than you. I’m an elf and I took the run feat”

<Player 6 – Gimli> “I don’t care, we need to stay together”

<Player 5 – Legolas> “Ok”

<DM> “Everybody roll a d10 and see how many rounds it takes for you to get to <Player 1 – Boromir>”

<Player 3 – Who plays two characters, Merry and Pippen> Rolls a 1.

<Player 4 – Strider>Rolls a 4.

<DM> “<Player 5 – Legolas> and <Player 6 – Gimli> make one roll that will be for both of you. And add +2 because the dwarf is slow”

<Player 6 – Gimli> Rolls a 9. “It’s a modified 11”

<DM> Talking to <Player 3 – Who plays two characters, Merry and Pippen>. “You guys get there first. Roll for surprised.”

<Player 3 – Who plays two characters, Merry and Pippen> “Surprise? We know there is something there”

<DM> “And the half-orcs know that there is someone else coming. So the set up an ambush.”

<Player 3 – Who plays two characters, Merry and Pippen> Rolls a 2.

<DM> Rolls a 6.

<DM> “They surprise you. What is your flat footed AC”

<Player 3 – Who plays two characters, Merry and Pippen> Still protesting about being surprised. “How can we be surprised. We are hobbits moving silently in the woods”

<DM> “You just told me that you were running”

Three rounds later…..

<DM> <Player 4 – Strider> make a spot check to see if you notice the half-orcs fighting the hobbits.

<Player 4 – Strider> Rolls a 1. “Crap another 1. Rangers suck”

<DM> “Ooh, too bad. You missed the hobbits. Make another spot check”

<Player 4 – Strider> Rolls a 4 on a d20. “That’s a modified 16”

<DM> “That’s good enough. You see a band of half-orcs molesting <Player 1 – Boromir>’s body and taking all his equipment.

<Player 4 – Strider> “I charge them” (After all that's what a paladin would do).  

A few rounds later and the half-orcs are dead.

<Player 1 – Boromir> Complaining. “They didn’t just stand back and shoot <Player 4 – Strider> full of arrow like they did me.”

<Player 4 – Strider> “Hey, I got your stuff for you. We’ll get you a rez.”

<Player 1 – Boromir> “Don’t bother rezzing me. This game sucks.” He tears his character sheet in half and then crumbles up both halves together and throws the paper wad in the general direct of the trash can.

<Player 5 – Legolas> and <Player 6 – Gimli> Together saying “When will we get there.”

<DM> “In just one more round.”

<Player 6 – Gimli> “Well they are all dead so let’s look for treasure.”

<Player 4 – Strider> “I think it should be all be mine. I killed them all.’ Then his paladin mindset sets in. “No it’s only fair that you get to loot also”

<Player 3 – Who plays two characters, Merry and Pippen> “Forget looting, come and save my guys.”

<DM> “Everyone make a listen check to hear the hobbits.”

Everyone rolls.

<Player 5 – Legolas> “I got the highest roll. A modified 24.”

<DM> “Not good enough.”

<DM> talking to <Player 3 – Who plays two characters, Merry and Pippen>. “The half-orcs notice you are close to dying so they start doing subdual damage.”

<Player 4 – Strider> “I use my tracking skill to try and find the hobbits.”

<DM> “The hobbits were never over here. The only tracks you have to follow is the ones you left behind between here and the camp.”

<Player 4 – Strider> “Then I go that way. I’ll track the hobbits starting from the camp”

<Player 5 – Legolas> “I’ll go with the ranger.

<Player 6 – Gimli> Still stuffing his pockets with gold pieces. “I’ll stay and finish looking for treasure. Did <Player 1 – Boromir> have anything good?” Moving from the game table over to the crumpled up ball that used to be a character sheet.

<Player 3 – Who plays two characters, Merry and Pippen> “This is all of <Player 1 – Boromir> fault. Now I am going to lose all my equipment.”

<DM> “Oddly enough the half-orcs have only taken your weapons. You still have all of the rest of your equipment”

<Player 4 – Strider> “When we get back to camp I’ll start tracking”

<DM> “Make a tracking roll”

<Player 4 – Strider> “CRAP a 3. Rangers suck!”

<DM> “When you get back to camp you see a boat is missing and the hobbit you left behind to guard is missing also.”

<DM> “Well you guys only have of 3 of the original 9 characters left. I’m not sure if this campaign has any hope. Perhaps we should all roll up new characters”

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