This is a story detailing an incident I call "The Day of Infinite 20s" (one of
the Darkest days in my DM-ing life)
It started off like any other day. I was the DM in my first ever campaign (which
I had loosely based on a popular minecraft map, but that's an irrelevant point).
We were a few sessions in, so let me describe the party as it stood:
First, Orpheus the Bard. He was a stereotypical bard, and (as the player said)
he was an amalgamation of many of the player's favorite characters (he was an
avid book reader and TV watcher). He also had a tendency to be extremely
paranoid about traps in dungeons, to a point where I would give away all the
traps in the dungeon so he would stop checking. However, despite this, He had
managed to get cursed by two separate items. One made him into a her, and the
other turned his arms to bone (which caused him to suffer strength checks and
have a -2 to diplomacy while they were in view, but also a +2 to intimidate).
Second, Legion the Wizard. He (supposedly) was actually three people, but no one
believed him. We all thought he was crazy. And he certainly acted it, making all
the stupidest moves he could make. He would do things like attack random trees,
play poker in the middle of a combat encounter, and even cast magic missile at
the darkness. Yes, he actually cast magic missile at the darkness. Several
times. And despite everyone trying to kill him out of hatred, he never died.
Third, Ryan. I don't remember what class he was, but he was some kind of arcana.
And he was a Dragonborn. other than that, that was it. Ryan was just Ryan.
Finally, there was Ben. Fucking Ben. I don't remember his character's name, but
he was a Genesai Swordmage. He was an assassin that Orpheus and Legion had hired
to protect them before they went on the quest. He wasn't anything too special,
he never said much. He just was. Keep an eye on this one; he's gonna be the
subject of this particular story.
Anyways, the story:
The party had just finished going through most of the story. They had found
three of the orbs they needed to take down the barrier protecting the palace of
the Monarch of Madenheim, and they were on their way to get the last one. This
last orb was somewhere within the Temple of Preslor (a fake God I had made up to
better suit the purposes of the story). It's worth noting now just how much
Paranoia Orpheus went through: the tower was fifty stories high, and (s)he
wanted to check EVERY INDIVIDUAL STEP to see if it was trapped. That's how
paranoid the guy was. Anyways, they reached the top of the tower, and they could
see a doorway. The Gods I made up (did I mention there were two?) were to be the
bosses of this dungeon, and the party knew they were on the other side of the
door. The team (wisely) decided to leave Legion behind, as well as have Ryan
stay behind to keep legion from fucking up their plan. Orpheus then used some
spell or ritual or something (s)he had to disguise as the Monarch, voice and
everything. He succeeded with his bluff checks, so the fake Gods never noticed.
Now, Ben was going to pretend to be the bodyguard. I told him to roll an
intimidate check. He rolled.
He managed to intimidate the shit out of the fake gods.
The two of them managed to get the orb from the gods without a hassle, and were
about to leave when legion showed up and ruined everything. Just like I figured
he would. It's worth noting that everyone was on top of a platform that not only
extended over the side of the tower, but also the side of a cliff, making the
total height about 1500 feet. Instant death to anyone who falls.
Then the gods stomped on the platform with enough force to break it off the
tower, leading to a mid air free fall battle.
I had been preparing this battle for days. One of them was a wizard who a bunch
of pushing and pulling and sliding moves, with every intent of being able to
push the party off of the platform and too their doom. The other was a cleric,
who would be able to heal his brother at a moment's notice. And just as a note,
the mechanics of the fight were like this: Since the platform was falling with
everyone, they would have a limited number of rounds to defeat the bosses.
Second, if any character were off of the platform for more than three rounds,
they would fall to their death. So, the fight begun. First, The Wizard got to
attack. He pushed Legion off of the platform. Then it was legion's turn. he
quickly used some move (I don't recall what) to get back onto the platform. Then
it was the cleric's turn. I don't remember what he did, but in the end it
doesn't matter. Then came Ben. Fucking Ben. He got around behind the Cleric and
went to push him off the platform. He rolled to hit.
Another Nat 20.
He ended up pushing the cleric about 5 squares away from the platform. That
would have been fine. But then Ryan went, and after coordinating this with Ben,
set up a zone that could not be teleported into. The cleric was basically
sentenced to death in the very first turn. I was annoyed, but I was able to get
over it relatively quickly. Next was Orpheus. He pushed the Wizard off the
platform in much the same manner, but didn't have the advantage of a no-teleport
zone. So, when the wizard's turn came around again, I was able to warp him to
the platform with ease. Legion went on auto pilot at that point (which we had
agreed meant he would use magic missile on all of his turns until he told us
otherwise). The cleric had nothing he could do, so we went immediately to Ben.
He ran up to the Wizard and tried to bear hug him. Ben rolled a strength check.
Yet another Nat 20.
At this point I was suspicious of him, so before we continued I had him roll his
dice a few times to make sure they were fair. He complied, and he didn't roll
20s during his rolls, so I was ok for the time being. The turns went through,
and the party conducted a plan to knock the Wizard off the tower with no chance
of escape. Their plan was this: Ben would keep rushing the wizard until he was
next to the edge of the platform, and then Ryan would sacrifice himself by
grabbing hold of the wizard and jumping off the platform, killing both his
character and the wizard. So they continued around, and Ben's third turn came.
He rolled for his attack.
ANOTHER Nat 20.
Now I was angry. I took Ben's dice away from him and refused to let him use that
roll. Figuring it had something to do with the dice, the party agreed to let him
use some dice that I had used in the prior campaign. We had figured they were
cursed, because I could never manage to roll above a 10 on them without some
amazing amount of luck. He rerolled the cursed die, and I was sure he would
I was really pissed now, but I let him have his nat 20. God apparently wanted
him to ruin my life, and who am I to stand in his way. He pushed the wizard
right to the edge of the platform. Then Ryan made his move and grabbed hold of
the wizard and jumped off the platform.
My epic fight had been finished in 18 in game seconds.
I ended up crying in the corner for a while after that.
Once I finally finished being sad, I continued the campaign. I asked them all
how they planned to survive the falling platform. Legion used a ritual to warp
to the top. Orpheus used a grappling hook (one of 2 he had) to latch on to the
side of the cliff. Ryan obviously fell to his death. Ben used feather fall and
landed safely on the rocks below. At any rate, now I was depressed and saddened.
I told them they needed to go back to the top of the cliff. Ben decided to run
jump and do all sorts of maneuvers to climb the cliff. I told him to roll for
I'll give you one guess as to what he rolled.
Here's a hint: I rage quit right after he rolled it.